The Interview: Turning the Tables

Naturally, I've been thinking a lot about this upcoming interview as the list of things we need but probably shouldn't buy (gas grill, new lattice for under the porch and deck, refrigerator made sometime this century) is growing faster than the national debt.

My recruiter, Phil, said because this company "moves quickly" I should go in prepared, ready to ask any question I could think of that would help me make a decision should I receive an offer. I liked his way of thinking. Typically, the interviewee stresses about the things that could be asked of him/her. It probably doesn't help that I just read Glassdoor's List of the Top 25 Oddball Interview Questions of 2014. So I started to think, beyond the hours, salary and benefits, what are the things I'd really like to know. Here's the short list:
  • Can I wear Birkenstocks? I have toddler-sized bunions and it would really make my days a lot more comfortable, unless you're prepared to offer me a foot-rubbing assistant, which I'm certainly agreeable to as well.
  • Will you guarantee me at least one colleague with whom I can discuss "The Bachelor?" Right now I've been talking about it with my kids and that's feeling increasingly inappropriate.
  • How many Starbucks are located between this building and Penn Station?
  • Will coworkers look the other way when I sob in the coat closet? You see I recently vowed never to return to Corporate America.
  • Is it ok if I Face Time with my children each afternoon? Don't worry, it'll only take about 20 minutes and I'll probably do it from the handicapped stall of the ladies room. Which brings me to my next question:  Are there any vegetarians working here? It's been my experience that no one can tear up a restroom like a herbivore.
  • Let's say I don't return to the office after lunch on Fridays, is that a problem?
  • I have a massive toupee phobia...anything you want to tell me?
  • My mom likes to check in with me about 6 to 8 times per day. Are you cool with lots o' personal calls?
  • In the winter, I sometimes wear a ski mask, am I going to need security clearance for this?
  • Where do you see me, and, more importantly, the company stock, five years from now?
I think that about covers it. Did I miss anything?

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