Top 10 Reasons I'm Not Sure I Can Ever Return to an Office

As a teen, my dream job was to write David Letterman's Top 10 lists. In my early 20s, I was lucky enough to find a friend who shared the same sense of humor and for decades now we've been able to celebrate birthdays and other special occasions by exchanging these compilations filled with jokes probably only the two of us would find amusing.

So to pass the time as I wait to hear back from my last interview, I've put together a list of the Top
10 Reasons I'm Not Sure I Can Ever Return to an Office.

It goes a little something like this:

10. Inability to Curb Incessant Swearing

 9. Burgeoning Case of Adult-Onset ADD. (Like I couldn't even follow my son's simple Rainbow Loom instructions. Wait, what was I talking about ...)

 8. Can No Longer Write Unless Wearing Pajamas and Surrounded by Layer Cakes.

 7. Overhead Fluorescent Lighting Causes Severe Gary Busey Resemblance


 6. Superiors Young Enough to be My Children Seems Bad for Already-Subterranean Self-Esteem.

 5. Would Have to Go Cold Turkey on Raging Solitaire Addiction.(25% win average and counting!)

 4. Social Skills Have Plunged to Brian Wilson-Levels.

 3. 2014 New Year's Resolutions Preclude Me From Partaking in Any Secret Santa Exchanges.

 2. New Habit of Talking to Myself Could Get Me Hauled Off by Security.

and the Number One Reason I'm Not Sure I Can Ever Return to an Office is...

 1. Because No One is Asking Me To

*If you're wondering if I'll get back to work before I can collect social security, sign up to receive email updates in the box on the right cleverly marked "Follow by Email (Please!)"

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